By the nature of their duty, hearses are somewhat to have be oddly proportioned. Even so, there comes a time when the person who builds a car absolutely at to fuck with their client, as in the case of a Mercedes-Benz E-Class hearse spotted in Scotland resembling a prop from a Disney movie.
This hearse was photographed in Edinburgh by Quebec musician Jacques Green, who was “pierced” by the car passing in front of him. One commentator identified it as the work of British coachbuilder Coleman Milne, who assembles hearses based on the Tesla Model S, Ford Mondeo, various vans and of course the Mercedes E-Class as we see here.
Coleman Milne’s “classic hearse” E-Class, as he calls this body style, is nearly 20 feet long and over 6.5 feet tall. Compared to a standard E-Class, it’s 3.5 feet longer and just over 20 inches longer, an increase of more than 35 percent, almost entirely greenhouse. In Europe, hearses with windows and blinds are more common than American-style hearses with pram bars, those metallic S-shaped designs found here on the sides of hearses. They are a stylistic holdover from the days of horse-drawn carriages when a pram roof meant a folding leather roof, part of the folding frame of which formed an “S” on the outside.
Along its roofline, which makes me make an involuntary “mweEEEEEEEp” sound, it has specially designed roof bars, which The other side of the funeral reports were commonly used to secure flowers or other decorations. Today, however, they are themselves largely decorative. While its rear doors would suggest a rear seat, they, like many hearses in North America and Europe, do not open to rear seats for the family of the deceased – a feature apparently uncommon on hearses in those regions. Instead, they open into the loading area, presumably aiding in the unloading of the coffin.
While the design of this Mercedes is meant to be functional and utilitarian, it’s also inadvertently fun due to its proportions. It almost looks like a molting R-class van, or a whale that’s washed up on the beach and is getting ready to do what beached whales do. If it didn’t have a backseat, it could pass as a VIP shuttle for NBA players, though their choice of cars might be more humble than expected. Rather, its appearance is reminiscent of that new USPS mail truck, which some described as Pixar-like when it debuted. I don’t know what kind of Pixar movie would involve a hearse, maybe a macabre sequel to Upside downor maybe just a gothic spinoff of Cars. It may sound terrible, but it couldn’t be worse than Cars 2 was, especially if it was Tim Burton and Danny Elfman. ♫ In our town of Limousine… ♫
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